Thank you for your grace

As a year has now come and gone since the birth of Elan Vie, we want to express our deepest gratitude to all of you who have stood with us, embraced us, nourished us, cried, and found significance with us. We are amazed by the beauty that our sweet boy has brought into this world and we are in awe of the love that has come through all of you as we walked this journey. We could not think of a more special tribute than to love deeply and to embrace the beauty and passion for life each and every day.

We celebrated Elan on September 14th by breathing deeply, reflecting upon the year, and gathering on the beach with close friends and family. We prayed together and wove together the beauty and pain, darkness and light of the last year. We scattered his ashes in the Pacific and released his physical form to the world. We joined together and created intentions for the future of our family while throwing rocks into the ocean as we dreamed. Each time we dive into the ocean we swim with our son and bathe in the sweet and loving hopes that we collectively put forth.

We know and trust that, in the spirit of Elan Vie, something wonderful is in our future. Life continues to be a blessing.

With Love and Abundant Gratitude,
Jalene and RJ

The Grace of Your Light

Dear Elan Vie,

Our precious son, we hold you close in our hearts with the knowing that 6 months ago today I gave birth to you.  From the moment of sunrise this morning, we awoke with the sweet memories of your birth day.  The time has sprung forward now to allow for more light to fill our days, however your presence is still ever gracing our hearts.  I awoke in the dark with sleepy eyes this morning to watch your dad get dressed at 6:00am for an early meeting, and to see him place the pin on his shirt and wear his tree of life necklace in honor of you, as he does each and every day.  We held each other and read our marriage essence, which we painted on our bedroom wall; as we do each morning together as a remembering of who we are.  We hold great inspiration in ending this morning ritual by reading our quality: elan de vie~ our passion for life.  Some days we reach out our arms to you and yell "Elan Vie!" right at the end, with the knowing that you have infused our lives with the pure essence of our elan de vie. 

Our Elan Vie, our sweet elan de vie, we are filled with your light and your pure essence.  We love the essence of our family and the knowing of you as part of us.  We are filled with possibility with the visions of our future children coming to know you as their special brother that holds our family in light and protection.  I feel the grace of your light wrapped around me each morning, that lifts me out of bed to greet the day.  The light I feel is pure and sweet, it is warm and adoring.  It holds us tenderly, wrapping around us like a warm Spring air.  Your light is awe inspiring and opens me to create beauty in my life.

Today I enjoyed slowness, time sitting in our home and in our gardens, reflecting on the journey we have all been on together.  I took in the warm sun and gentle breeze, and felt the grace and love that has surrounded us.  I give thanks to this.  Your dad and I have opened our hearts to so much love, courage, an exuberance for living, a trust to experience life fully in its greatest joy and pain, to honor the sacredness in our lives, and breathe in a deep sense of inspiration.  These have been gifts from you, our son, that have been birthed through us and are now ever present in our lives.

Our sweet son, oh how we miss you. We feel deep sadness in our loss of you and we dream of how beautiful and precious you were in your physical body.  Although we never got to see the beauty of your gaze, we saw your beautiful big eyes, and we can imagine them similar to your dad's big eyes with long eyelashes~ maybe brown like his, or perhaps a clear blue like mommy's.  Maybe you would grow beautiful curls like me too.  We would love to care for you, hold you, and play with you.  Although we deeply miss you, we are inspired by your Spirit and graced with your light each and every day.  You will forever be with us.

Our dear friends and family, we are deeply blessed by your steadiness in your love for us through out the past 6 months and always.   We admire your courage in opening your heart to love us and Elan even when it also hurts so much.  We are held in your presence and love and it pours courage, hope and inspiration into our hearts and lives.

 Elan Vie, our precious son, your sweet and inspiring presence is such a gift to us. 
You are in our hearts and spirits always.  We are so blessed to have you in our family.

We love you, Mom and Dad

We love you Elan

We love you, our sweet Elan. Today we remember that it was 4 months since we held you in our arms. Everyday I remember you as I  see you when I look in the mirror or cuddle with your mom and find the skin of her neck and chin. Your mom sees you when she watches me sleep. We love you each day and always remember the time we had together. Friends and loved ones have dreamed of you and held you in their arms. You have silently brought healing and quiet grace. We are so proud of you.

Your Tributes

We created another page (click on link to left) because you all have inspired us with your thoughtful and loving tributes to Elan.

Pictures

We've added a page of photos and keepsakes if you would like to see more of Elan. Click "Memory Page" to the left.

Opening and connecting

Elan's parents are doing well. We have had a meaningful weekend of rest, recreation, and stimulation. Yesterday we joined Allie and Jim at a symposium (Awakening the Dreamer, Changing the Dream) that made us think and connect, followed by a walk to the grocery store and cooking a delicious soup together. Today we woke slowly and played with each other. We went for a hike at Torrey Pines State Park. We stopped to assist a fallen cyclist until the paramedics arrived, yet another reminder of the blessing we have all been given. We walked, talked, and connected, synthesizing ideas and heart.

We realize that another one of Elan's gift to us, has been to awaken parts of us more fully. We have been creative in our expression, open to many new things, and find meaning easily. Mostly we move slowly and it allows perspective. While we don't have a physical child to cherish, we cherish the symbols he has left for us and those we create together. We discuss how we want to live and hold space for ourselves, for our son, and for our future children. We have hope.

While we still have moments in the dark, the light continues to shine and we revel in the miracle of the everyday.

On our walk today, we talked about our deepening sense of spirituality; connection to each other and to the world beyond our embrace. Our senses are heightened to the space around us and we are guided by the strength and beauty within each of us.

While we had created space, slowness, and intention for this spirituality in receiving Elan each day during the pregnancy we are now able to more fully actualize it. All of our daily practices had prepared the soil for a deeper sense of purpose. While we were anticipating embracing our son's physical form and nourishing his spirit and creative expression, we planted seeds that allow us now to connect to a deeper sense of who we are. Through expression and discussion of our son, he gifts us and allows us to receive more spiritual and creative fulfillment ourselves. When something like this happens we seek to understand more fully, we look to faith or that which is unseen or unknown; that deeper sense of knowing, that is not manifested in practical explanation, is our spirituality.

In our walk today, we also discussed how the concept of success is intertwined with spirituality, however is often interpreted as an external achievement, rather than the contentment of connection with life. In it's simplest form success is in living and breathing, not in the attainment of something we do not have. We have life, in all its glory to celebrate. We all get to succeed each day in the simple act of living. We have arrived just by being. While ambition may lead us to pursue other images of success, compete towards some goal, or attain something, we are content that we have breath. We have been bestowed the ultimate gift already. We experience the miracle of life, thus we continue to be successful. This does not take away the human spirit or great accomplishments, but it equalizes success as something we all have achieved each and every day just by living. Everyday you wake up a success, there is nothing to battle, nothing to fight, regardless of position or status, you have already won.

Elan also has succeeded. Though he did not live outside the womb for a day, he inspires us to live. His spirit is miraculous as was his physical form.

We live in the simple; knowing that all that is to be attained comes from within and from the connections we have with others and life. Life is precious and miraculous, to be cherished. It is a gift to move slowly and savor it, connect with and receive it. It is beautiful.

The meaning of today, tomorrow, and the next

All the days are filled with love.

Today we were surrounded by the love of so many. The thoughtfulness and conscious prayers. The sharing of sorrow and the sharing of joy. The arms of others wrapped around us in the sweet honor of Elan Vie. We soaked it in.

Tomorrow we will surround each other with our own love. We will hold each other tightly and focus intently on our love story. We will be mindful of the gift of Elan Vie, our living vows, the journey at home together over the last weeks, the love in our gazes, our arms wrapped around each other. We will soak it in.

The day after tomorrow marks a new chapter as RJ returns to work. A chapter that we are hesitant to enter and yet know its value too. We will be loved in it and love back.

The days to come hold many gifts for us. They hold the gifts of new experiences, new sights and sounds. They hold the gifts of old and favorite soothing graces as well. They hold our son fondly in our features and in our hearts.

You who have held us and learned new ways to love are such a gift. You live with us more richly than ever before and you walk our path and build bridges for us. There is a knowing that we all share now that knocks at our doors in many ways, it has entered our lives. It is a knowing that asks no questions and demands no favors. You too have birthed, and you too absorb the beauty of the days that are to come.