Sunday, September 26, 2010


We continue to cycle through moments of disbelief and acceptance. We fondly remember the precious moment we spent together at James and Jena's over Christmas when we thought we were not pregnant and then the hope and belief after doing some google research on implantation bleeding. We validated Elan's light on January 4, 2010 and then again on January 5th, January 8th through a blood test, and our 8 week first appointment with the doctor on January 28th. We were so excited.

The plus signs on the EPT were so strong and vibrant (and instant). What ensued was elation, celebration, protection, nurturing, tenderness, and making sure the whole world could share in our joy.

We took it slow at first, discussing what we needed from each other, our home, and our relationship before putting anything in to place. We shared with our friends and families. We read and read and read.

It is sweet to look back and reflect upon the whole journey since December and really since we met in 1999. It is hard to realize how much work we have put into ourselves, our marriage, and our emergence as parents and yet is comforting to know that we have such a strong foundation and belief to turn to. That belief keeps us steady and through the tears we are still able to validate our love. We love to love each other.

We realize that this moment does not define who we are as people and as a couple, and yet it is a defining moment and our lives have been transformed regardless of where we would have our intentions lead us. Preparing for pregnancy and emptying our individual plates, and then being pregnant together was one of the happiest times of our marriage. We would often tell people that along our journey. We had arrived at a true point of family, creating our dreams together united. After 5 1/2 years of marriage, Jalene changed her last name to Salus.

We have the journey so well documented both in writing and in photographs. Jalene's nutrition journal and the compost in our backyard even play a part in remembering how we lived and how we live. Each of us letting go of little things, so that we could focus on our little growing guiding light. We even have our little guy's heart beat tracked so well throughout pregnancy and then every contraction up until the operating room. There were never any warning signs.

We want to remember the time fondly, the awe we felt when we saw the anatomy ultrasound, when we found out we were having a boy, the gratitude we felt to everyone who gave us clothes or other baby items, watching Jalene's belly button disappear, feeling the first kick, listening to the heartbeat, taking a photo of momma's belly every 4 weeks, choosing Elan Vie's name, watching J float on noodles in the pool at Allie and Jim's. There are moments when these memories make us smile and moments when they remind us of what we don't have.

We would often say to each other, including Elan, "I love you guys with everything I got." We never imagined the depths of that sentiment. It supported us then, and buoys us know.

Your comments and love continue to support us. Although we are not able to talk to many of you in person yet, it helps us to know that you have heard, believe in us and continue to feel with us.


  1. What a beautiful baby boy. I love looking at his picture. Thank you for sharing his light with us. xo

  2. We are in awe of you and your sweet family. Elan Vie is a beautiful boy. We are thinking of you and sending you our love every minute. We respect and honor your choices and your year of discovery. Elan continues to give to all of us who have heard of him, and who have seen the love you have shown in the world. With gentle thoughts of you and Jalene who has made us happy every day of her life. Aunt Sharon and Uncle Frank.

  3. He's so beautiful. Love you guys. Cousin Katie

  4. What a beautiful boy! Just like you two! Thank you for including us in this journey. When you get a chance can you please send me your address. Love tina

  5. I remember the day that RJ shared the wonderful news. That the love that you shared had created another love that was growing day by day. That love permeated everyone that you both came into contact with. I thank you so much for sharing your life with me. The light that shines through you both has positively impacted so many....Elan's light continues to show us how perfect love is. Only with our hearts can we communicate the blessings that touch our lives as words will only fail to do justice for our soul.
    We continue to lift you all up in our hearts and with our love...

  6. Dear Jalene & RJ,

    “Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”

    Eskimo quote

    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Sending you both love and compassion as you heal.

    Barb Miller

  7. RJ, Hearing the news of Elan's passing truly took my breath away. I know how much you were looking forward to fatherhood--your excitement was palpable. The strength, faith and love emanating from you and your wife are truly exceptional! I wish you both continued strength, peace and the ability to see the sunshine amidst the clouds. Fondly, Adam Ellis

  8. Jalene & RJ,

    I read this blog each day and I admire the strength and perspective that you share. I am sorry, just so sorry. My heart goes out to you both and I wish you the best in the journey ahead.

    Jason Hennick