Friday, October 1, 2010

Dear Elan

Dear Elan,

We miss you so much. It is true that your mommy and daddy have each other and for that we are eternally grateful. We have tremendous friends, family, and coworkers who have made it clear that they love us and you. For that we are also eternally grateful. But we miss you, our sweet son.

Do you remember how daddy would read The Places You'll Go, The Prophet, The Mojave, and My Daddy's Moustache to you in bed? Do you remember how mommy used to say "daddy is making us pancakes"? Do you remember how mommy used to feed you such excellent foods and how your palette was so eclectic already? Do you remember how much you made mommy race to the bathroom in the last few weeks? Do you remember how much mommy liked to take naps with you and feel the joy of deep contented rest? How mommy radiated and glowed with the joy and excitement of you? How people would tell her how beautiful she was and she would tell them that it was your light shining through. How we giggled at all of the little things, the joys, the wonders, the miracle of you.

We wish you could have met all of the little friends you had out there. Hudson, Ostend, and Ty were your buddies in waiting. We played with Hudson today and loved every minute of it, but it was also hard because we want to also be playing with you. For you to climb on our backs and throw grass at us, laugh at our silly faces, and hug us so sweetly.

We realize that we mourn the loss of what we were expecting to be and to do with you, but we so much mourn the loss of you. What we know of you and what we know in our hearts of who you were to become. We wrote of your gentle spirit, how we knew you would tread lightly, but firmly rooted. Your loving soul is so evident to us.

It is also evident, how vast the community is that was to raise you. Wilmington, Spain, DC, Nashville, St. Paul, San Diego, Canada, Kenya. There are people that love the people that love you that were waiting for other news of you. Your grandparents moved across the country to San Diego to be with the three of us in retirement and adore you, their first grandchild. We are so thankful that they are here with us now.

Your Nona wanted to show you the Shenandoah and PoppiStan wanted to teach you to sail. Pappap wanted to show you the birds, the butterfiles and dip your toes in the sand. Bodhi wanted to be your tree, get creative with you, dance with you and love you up. Your Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Jena would adventure with you to Africa and teach you of service to others. Your cousins Ben and Ziva would show you winter in St. Paul, celebrate Channukah with you and teach you silly things while Aunt Dani and Uncle Herman would watch you chase Lilly around the house. You would learn from them the grace of silence and the power of sound.

Trees have been planted in your honor, books given to children in need, artwork created, nourishment provided and love has truly surrounded our home. You have inspired your community with ripples of love and the preciousness of life. While we continue to take that in, we would give anything to hold you in our arms every day.

Good night son. We love you and we hold you close.


Mom and Dad


  1. It's not much, but I wanted to let you know that I was thinking of Elan and that I created a butterfly for him and added it to my site. I hope it brings you a smile today. xo

  2. Dear RJ & Jay,
    Thinking of you today and everyday.
    Love, Cousin Valerie

  3. I have never before seen such Fierce Grace. Chuck and I send our love.

  4. I think of both of you and beloved Elan and though we have never met, my heart goes out to all of you. While I am not so sure about the rest of this poem, I recently saw these lines from Edna St. Vincent Millay....
    "Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
    Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
    I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned."

    I thought they were such beautiful lines, and they made me think of you and Allie and Jim and all the people...

    much love ,

  5. Oh, Jalene. I'm crying as I write this to you. This is the first that I have know about your loss. I have been thinking about you and kept looking at the candle you gave me the day we met. My heart and love goes out to you and RJ. I'm praying for you and sending you warm, big hugs around your heart.
    Love and peace to you both,

  6. I love you both and wish with all my heart you had Elan to play with today. This post made me cry.

  7. This letter, just like everything else between you two, is so simply filled with your incredible Love. Elan is and always will be part of that Love. You are constantly in our thoughts.
    We love you.